Unaccomplished Dude Jacked To Make Fantasy Football Playoffs

Nathan Drydick doesn’t usually have a lot to celebrate. But today, he’s on top of the world. 

“More like… not completely hopeless,” he corrected with a smile. “My life really sucks. But today I didn’t mind getting out of bed.”

That’s because Nathan, like so many other modestly miserable people across the country, punched his ticket to the fantasy football playoffs.

“I spend 20+ hours every week on this league, so I’m glad to see it pay off. I’ve ignored my family for dozens of evenings for this $800 payoff.” Drydick says if he wins, he’s gonna use the money to pay off a fifth of his credit card bills. If he loses, he’s just going to go back to betting illogical 6-game parlays every week.

“It feels like I’m finally getting somewhere,” he said ruefully. We all know, however, he’s not. His life is a dead-end and he’ll be numb on the inside until he dies prematurely from a preventable disease.

“Yeah, you’re right. I mean, I make $20 an hour now, but in a couple years I’ll probably get fired from this position I sort of lucked into and then will need to completely reevaluate my professional life in my mid-30s with really no skill set to speak of.”

That hasn’t stopped Drydick from talking smack to his league mates. “I know they’re all more accomplished than me, and just happier in general,” he said. “But this is my moment.”

When asked if time spent on waivers or watching games on Sundays could have instead been spent advancing his professional career, Drydick gave a blank stare.

Nathan’s wife told FantasyUnleashd she was “proud” of Nathan and his “games,” but sources close to her have said that she secretly wishes she could start her life over at 23 when she thought Nathan’s humor was enough to offset his mediocre looks and general lack of willpower.