Tilt Time With The Beaver: Week 9 Review
ONLY A SICK FISH BITCHES ABOUT THEIR BAD LUCK IN FANTASY FOOTBALL… but it makes it feel so much better. And it makes other people feel better. If I can make someone feel better about the car payment they blew on Sunday by venting about my own stupidity and financial suffering, I’m gonna do it.
My weekly tournament approach has yet again begun to bore me as it tends to do after the first month or so. Four to five tournament lineups just wasn't enough. So I played 10 handbuilt lineups for a couple weeks. I still wasn't getting optimal access to the deeper player pool that I wanted. Week after week I hit the nut low-owned dart throw but only had him on a team or 2 that busted elsewhere. The same problem everyone that handbuilds has 95% of the time: right players, wrong combinations.
I decided it was time to take a dive back into colder waters. Mass multi-enter or ‘MME’ is when you submit the maximum amount of entries allowed in a GPP. It’s typically 150 lineups, making it almost impossible to do by hand.
So I contacted a few of my sharper buddies that were familiar with optimizers....let me just tell you this: no matter how well you know your way around optimizers, it’s going to take SEVERAL HOURS of tweaking the projections/percentages before you are happy with your pool.
I’ve now been the victim of underestimating this process twice. Week 8 we started at 10 and didn’t agree to stop fucking with it until 12:40 or something and didn’t leave near enough time for edits by hand. Ended up entering 10 or 15 of the same lineup that busted and returned only 50% (but that had more to do with me being a fake sharp that faded Dalvin Cook at 8% against the Packers) (OMG 8%) (in the nut spot) (wow).
I went right back to the MME well in week 9. No shame. No fear. LFG.
I again could not resist the overwhelming urge to play with the pool until the twelfth hour. But this time the percentages were perfect, the correlation was tight, the entries were reserved and there was still 5 minutes to spare. All we had to do was upload the CVS or whatever the fuck that part I cant do is. Only to get an error. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SUCK, FANDUEL.
This isn’t the exact error we got Sunday but wouldn’t you know it there are a lot of search results for “FanDuel error”
“Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this………..AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!”
We had no other choice but to put all the entries on one team and pray that we at least min cashed. It just so happened to be a Josh Allen double stack with a DK Metcalf runback!! J-Allen’s got freakin 30 at half, underowned DK’s being a grown ass man, and Smoky’s gettin targeted every time Hansen puts the game on at 6% owernship. The Busch Light tasted like water. 1 PM was fuckin LIT. Then came the afternoon games…….
By halftime I was ready to go out to the garage, shut the door, fire up the truck, and lay under it. Chase Edmonds, James Conner, Hunter Henry, and the Steeler defense combined for less than 20 points. Chase had like 79 touches, the Steelers got beat up by a semi-pro QB and deployed 16 RBs, and Hunter Henry’s ugly ass got a handful of red zone targets, failing to convert on any of them them, including the one where he was actually open and got tackled right before the ball arrived only to ironically make way for my favorite XFL player, mega star Donald Parham, to catch the winning touchdown. Or drop it. Whatever you think happened.
But that's a whole other tilt that buried the remaining outs to a profitable day. We missed the cash line by .4 and lost it all. We fucked it up again and paid the price. We’re beaten. We’re down. We’re bleeding money on Fanduel.com. My bankroll is begging for mercy. But I will not stop. No I will not stop until I’m living in a Samsung box under a bridge on the west side of Salem by Aunt Pat’s house mumbling “if only I’da went heavier on Dalvin…”
We’re putting it all on the line in week 10. It’s do or die. Let’s get one for DEGEN NATION. Be sure to check back and see how many truck payments I lost. We may even discuss it on the next FU pod.
