The Unleashing Report Week 11: Jameis, Herbert’s Hair, Bitcoin Booms
Hello Australia and everyone else out there on this planet or neighboring planets with badass wifi. Welcome to the weekly Unleashing Report, where I discuss some fantasy football players that could be unleashed going forward, as well as a bunch of other random shit.
We’re coming off what was by far the best week of the NFL season, with the main slate on Sunday capped off with the Hail Murray. Week 11 is getting kicked off as I write this, because I got a late jump on the Unleashing Report this week due to a total shitstorm at my “REAL” job. It’s not fair when life stands in the way of fantasy.
Let’s just get to the unleashings because it’s getting late and I need to get this out ASAP before the wine kicks in.
In fantasy…
Jameis Winston
Can’t bury the lead here. If you haven’t listened to our Jameis podcast yet, go do it now. He is our hero. Will he be effective in his new role? Probably not at all, and it potentially could be a complete disaster. I can’t wait to watch. In the meantime, we bid $169 on Jameis for our FFPC Main Event team, and the next closest bid was $1.
UNLEASHING UPDATE!!!
Just as I was about to publish this shit, reports hit that Taysom Hill WILL BE STARTING. This is a travesty! I refuse to believe this. Our sweet prince deserves better. We all deserve better. Sign the petition to get Jameis on the field!!!!
Salvon Ahmed
The rookie ran for 80+ last week on a huge workload but did nothing in the passing game. He may be a good spot start for another week, except Matt Breida could be coming back this week before inevitably getting hurt once again, plus Myles Gaskin could be returning soon. I actually don’t know why I mentioned any of these people.
Justin Herbert
Herbert is in one of the classic re-unleashing situations, since he was quiet last week but now faces off against the winless, joyless, hopeless Jets, who just lost another starter in their secondary. Not only that, but Herbert just got a big-time haircut and everyone on the internet is making jokes about how young he looks.
You know what, this is bullshit. I say good for you, Justin. I’m fully supportive of looking like a child as long as possible, likely because a cashier recently told me she’d need to see my I.D. because I looked like I was 12. We’ll see who’s laughing when Herbert’s 55 but looks 33. Is that how that works?
Kalen Ballage
Speaking of the Chargers — and laughingstocks — it looks like Ballage is going to lead the backfield against in week 11. This is a huge shift from the days when he would contort his body in unusual ways just to avoid touching the ball. Love the progress.
Andy Dalton
Reports indicate that Dalton still can’t smell or taste due to COVID, so unfortunately he’ll be making his return a bit shorthanded in the senses department. We’ll see if this heightens his sense of sight, however. The Cowboys get the Vikings this week, and it’d sure be pretty great if they could move the ball just a god damn little bit. We don’t even need a true unleashing here, just like a semi-unleashing.
In the world…
Obama’s Words
The former President wrote a giant fucking book that’s like 900+ pages and apparently that’s only, like, volume one or some shit. In my personal opinion all books should be under 250 pages these days or you’re just kind of being a dick if you go over that. Quit overthinking things and just make your point. We have things to do.
Degenerates
Apparently New Jersey and Pennsylvania sportsbooks set records for sports betting revenue in October. The Courier Express ran the headline: “Amid budgetary woes, Pa. gambling numbers a rare bright spot for revenue”
That’s right, sports bettors are saving this country! That article goes on to read:
Pennsylvania joined an exclusive club this week when the state’s Gaming Control Board announced sportsbooks took $525.8 million in bets last month.
Not only is that a record amount, surpassing the $462.8 million wagered in September, but Pennsylvania joined Nevada and New Jersey as the only states to break the half-billion dollar barrier for a month.
Of the $525.8 million, $472.3 million – or nearly 90 percent – was bet through mobile accounts.
THE FUTURE IS HERE! The people have spoken, and we want to be able to open our phones and bet on the total rushing yards for a third-string running back in real time. Let’s get this rolling out to all states in our union and fix these budgetary messes!
Penix Jokes
I used to be a huge Ohio State football fan, but I don’t follow college football anymore. So I literally just found out that Indiana is a top 10 team? And not only that, their starting QB’s last name is Penix. I’ve already worked on a number of immature puns in my private conversations with friends to get it all completely out of my system. We’re all professionals here. Sorta, sometimes. Still, I’m sure there’s gonna be plenty of drunk dudes watching this game cracking up with their buddies and high-fiving over low-hanging jokes that have already been made 500 times.
Dunkin Mini Bagels
I’ve had my issues with Dunkin Donuts in the past…
… and I’ve fallen victim to a number of oversights, including donuts without sprinkles, which is a huge letdown for my son. However, one shitty item on Dunkin’s shitty ass menu is actually enjoyable whenever you’re feeling down for a morning load of processed carbs: The Everything Mini Bagels!
You only get two little stuffed bagels because the world isn’t fair, but these things are pretty enjoyable.
Bitcoin
I mentioned my ReAl joB in the intro, which is essentially writing about the stock market. One thing that’s struck me lately is that bitcoin has been blowing up, yet I haven’t heard about it from random people like the last time the cryptocurrency surged. Literally my dental hygienist asked me about it (I told her to sell her house and put her life savings into it).
The idea is apparently that all the social unrest could be contributing to the demand for cryptocurrency. You know, in case “the system” collapses.” I don’t really know, but it’s just interesting that we’re not seeing headlines for bitcoin everywhere we look.
