Unleashing Report Week 12: Gibby, Holiday Drinking, Canadian Degenerates

Unleashing Report

Nov 27

Hello everyone and welcome to the unleashing report, my weekly article about fantasy football and other dumb shit that I want to write about. This week is a little tough because I got a colonoscopy on Monday and I’m trying to decide if I want to write about it or not. I’m afraid my colleagues here will be like, what in the sweet name of baby Jesus are you doing this is supposed to be a fantasy football operation you weirdo, no one wants to read about your B-hole, yet at the same time I have a way of making these types of situations pretty amusing so we’ll see.

I feel like I have to now.

Speaking of B-holes, we just wrapped up Thanksgiving week, and man did I eat a lot of pie. I mean I think I had six pieces of pie on Thanksgiving day. I was really struggling Friday morning.

Okay let’s just get into the right kind of unleashings now… What a horrible intro.

In fantasy…

Antonio Gibson & FU’s Main Event team

Usually I’m writing about upcoming unleashings, but I definitely need to mention what just happened in our FFPC Main Event team. Guys… we had the Deshaun Watson-Will Fuller stack, AND Antonio Gibson.

Watson had already been tearing shit up, so the real story here is Gibson. He had been trending higher in recent weeks, and we finally got a true unleashing.

We really needed this to help us overcome our immense sadness surrounding Jameis Winston and Joe Burrow.

Random Starting QBs

Speaking of Joe Burrow, everyone originally thought Ryan Finley was going to step in to replace him, but the Bengals were like, we think we can do better, so let’s bring in Brandon Allen. Meanwhile, Mike Glennon is starting for the Jaguars, so the Jake Luton project has come to a close. Sad.

Glennon will be without top WR DJ Chark, so the Browns defense could feast on Sunday.

Mitch Trubisky

Also in Shitty Quarterback Land, it sounds like Mitch Trubisky could be coming back to start for the Bears on Sunday night, and I may be sitting Allen Robinson.

Tim Patrick

For some reason I just feel the need to call attention to Tim Patrick. He exists and he is decent, dammit!

Jonathan Taylor

Hey would you look at that, Jonathan Taylor had a good game, and he even had another TD called back against the Packers. I randomly had a feeling that could happen, texting the Beaver shortly before lock on Sunday telling him to get a share in daily.

Will the Colts continue to ride Taylor? Who the hell knows. Probably not.

James White

Rex Burkhead got hurt again, and that should give the sole receiving back role back to White. We’ve seen before how the right matchup could make this role very fantasy relevant. In the meantime, Sony Michel is coming back, so we’ll have to watch how the Patriots divvy up the early down touches. I’m already sick imagining Michel stealing carries away from Harris and stumbling his way to 8 carries for 26 yards.

In the world…

CFB Playoff committee

I think this was the first week the college football playoff committee released their shit? Or it was at least the first time I saw ESPN doing their best to make it into a big deal.

I didn’t realize that there was this much turnover in the college football playoff committee. I thought we had the same oldies that we had when this thing started years ago. One thing you need to know about me is that I have a real problem with people who are dressed in corporate attire smiling on websites, so you can imagine how I feel about the CFB playoff committee.

I can’t stand the idea of a small group of people making decisions behind the scenes. They should stream their conversations live. It’s like when members of Congress talk about how they can’t comment on private conversations with their colleagues. Bitch, you work for us. Open the doors and let’s hear all about it.

I know one of those poor bastards has to go on live TV after they release their rankings to explain to Kirk Herbstreit why they did what they did. But that’s not good enough for me. I want the College Football Playoff Committee Twitch channel where we can all tune in and see this shit unfold in real time. They probably already do this and I just don’t pay attention.

I don’t really care because I don’t follow college football anymore, but the chatter about the college football committee and the way people talk about them is like they’re some mythical group of elders with deep insight that the rest of us don’t understand. “According to the committee…” “In the eyes of the committee…” “Well, the committee just felt that…”

It’s all bullshit. The college football committee should just be a group of drunk dudes at a small-town bar in Nevada.

It’s not like any of this matters, though, right? Aren’t there only like 10 teams that really have a chance every year anyway?

My drinking

I normally don’t drink too much, just a natural consequence of being a 30-year-old dad and not have anything remotely close to a social life. Lately, though, I think the holiday season has gotten the best of me, because I’ve really had the urge to toss some back. Wine, vodka, Christmas ale… hasn’t really mattered, give me all of it!

But while I’m drinking more frequently these days, I still can’t drink too much at once. As I said, I’m a 30-year-old dad, and being hungover post-25 is hard enough, but if you have young kids, being hungover is a death sentence.

Janet Yellen

Reports are suggesting that Joe Biden has picked Janet Yellen as his Treasury Secretary. As always, I don’t give two shits about politics, especially YOUR politics, so go be triggered somewhere else. The fact of the matter is, Janet Yellen is a baller, and I think you’re a true hater if you disagree.

Canadian Degenerates